Dear adrenal glands,
You shit me. Honestly. I know that you’re just trying to keep us safe, but coffee does not indicate an imminent threat, nor does the baby upstairs crying by the way – if you think for a moment you’ll remember that we do not in fact have a baby of our own, so when you hear one, don’t worry, it’s not our problem.
While we’re on the subject, here’s a list of other things that do not constitute an emergency:
The delivery man from the postal service ringing the doorbell – his name is Barry and he seems like a nice guy, anyway he’s about 80 years old so I reckon if it one day turns out he is a threat we can totally out-run him, or just bop him one on the nose, so chill.
Mr Kitty scratching his scratching post loudly, this is definitely not a problem, in fact it’s a behaviour we’d like to encourage so maybe let’s not jump out of our skin every time he does it.
The neighbors loudly slamming their front door every f’ing time they leave their house – it’s not a signal of danger, it’s just a signal of inconsiderate people. And god knows we can’t go around fighting/flight-ing every time we encounter those we’d never get anything else done.
Sitting in the doctors waiting room, literally nothing bad is going to happen here, I mean, at worst we might get yet another bloody blood test, but we’re not actually scared of needles sooooo… seriously, we’re here to get happy pills, be happy.
Making phone calls – look, I know this one is a long-standing problem for you, but think of all the thousands of phone calls that we’ve made over our lifetime, consider it for a second, how many of those calls have resulted in anything scary?
There are more things that I could mention but perhaps that’s enough for now. Give this some thought hey.
The bitch who’s supposed to be in charge of this lump of carbon.
Apparently I just had my first officially diagnosed episode of hypo-mania. Which explains a lot really.
The depressive crash has been quite disappointing, though I’ve spent most of it asleep, and if it’s been the cost of those days of heady joy then I’m willing to pay it.
I woke up tired today, but decided to fight for a day of Awake, so I drank coffee for the first time in months and now my hands won’t stop shaking – it’s very hard to type, and I’m struggling to breath normally, I do believe it’s setting off a panic attack or something like one. Ick. I’m sweating. Ick. My vocal cords are tight from the adrenaline. I broke a glass trying to wash the dishes but have walked away from the mess for now, I don’t think I can deal with it safely. So instead I wrote the post above, I hope somebody somewhere finds it entertaining. 🙂